A Warm Hug

I have finally joined the Facebook revolution. My husband got me started. Well, actually, a friend of ours got him started and I was then so impatient to get news of mutual friends that I also started an account. Little did I know what I was getting into.

I naively thought it would be similar to LinkedIn, on which I have a somewhat stagnant account. I check it once in a while; every so often, I go on a flurry activity, inviting new connections and checking on the old... and then let it sit for another month, or two, or three. I know I am not leveraging it for all its charms. But I have used it for my clients to make connections in various fields. It is a nice tool but somewhat benign in my life.

But Facebook- oh, Facebook! How could I have missed out on this for so long? I joined on a Sunday afternoon. In first searching for friends, I came across and accessed the usual suspects- known friends from where I live now and high school friends with whom I still keep in touch. However, less than 12 hours later (who am I kidding?? Some starting to pop up a mere 2 or 3 hours later) friends from all eras of my life started to crawl out of the Internet. Less than 24 hours after being a member, I even got an email from one of my brother's friends, trying to track him down.

I was momentarily stunned and overwhelmed. And more than a little freaked out by the sheer responsibility of keeping up with all these people. Part of my problem in life is that I am bit too constrained by social conventions (it's part of the 1950s housewife thing I mention in my first post). I will answer your email within 24 hours; I will try my best to return your phone call the same day you call me. But what to do when there are 15 messages in my inbox reflecting all the activity- comments on my wall, new posts, invitations to join clubs- that requires, in my mind, some kind of response? I soon became acclimated to the culture of Facebook and the use of the quick message. Visit Facebook for 10 minutes; visit it for 3 hours. It works.

It has been more than a little fun. And very addictive, which everyone warned it would be. Our high school was a very clubby bunch, friendships often transcending cliques. With a graduating class of close to 700, it was as if you had a "home base" of your immediate group of friends but also had adventures and connections with the other groups in the outfield. Bad baseball analogy but you get what I mean? Reconnecting with that feeling of inclusion has done me no end of good. It simply reminds me of part of who I am; part of who I sometimes don't choose to or get to exercise on a regular basis now. I have also really appreciated learning who people are as adults. We made it! We grew up! We're surviving and, as far as I can tell, happy in the world of adults! My greatest Facebook joy has come from reconnecting with one of my closest friends from high school who I haven't seen or heard from in almost 20 years. And she lives in Baltimore, which we drive through several times per year. And she has a daughter who is almost the same age as mine. Who knew, after all these years?

Let me not forget my new friends: I really treasure having a more casual way to get to know the thoughts and details of the lives of some of my new friends. Most (all?) I have met through some kind of interaction with my daughter. Chasing after a toddler and making sure the playing kids don't tear apart someone's house is not exactly conducive to meaningful, intimate conversations. We try, but really. So Facebook allows for us to have some adult "conversation." I have learned so much and have found an even greater appreciation for those friends. I look forward to learning more.

Mostly, it reminds me more than a bit of all the good things about living in a college dorm (and there were plenty of bad- shared bathrooms and one telephone line for the whole hall?? Seriously?? Yes, I am that old). Someone is always online, a friend to talk to. Someone, new or old in my life, always understands what is going on in your life and usually has a little bit of camaraderie or levity to bring to the situation. Someone is always introducing you to new things. One of my most recent favorites? I just joined the group "Not now, mommy's facebooking..." The invitation sent to me by a high school friend who, even though I haven't seen her for close to 15 years, I can still picture exactly how she is saying that to her kids.

Facebook, it seems, is a warm hug. I know, it's a little Precious Moments. But couldn't we all use a warm hug- a safe place- like Cheers, where everybody knows your name?