Last year I turned 42 and discovered things change. You ladies of a certain age know what I'm talking about. Life changes. Those changes. After months of health problems and vague diagnoses a provider suggested I try some progesterone therapy. Seemed like a wonder drug when I asked after the benefits: decreasing ever increasing mood swings (want-to-rip-someone's-head-off-mood-swings), cycle regulation, and other things I won't even mention here- all can be helped. Interesting... So I thought, "why not?" We are fortunate to have a compounding pharmacy in our town and several friends and acquaintances had already suggested I check it out. So I did.
Two months later I was on progesterone cream and it has helped all of the above and more. But one thing not mentioned during the consultation was the possibility of weight gain. Holy buckets (yes, I watch The Voice; sue me). I have steadily gained 2-3 pounds each month while on the hormones. Which means I now weigh more than I ever have in my life. Disconcerting for someone who pays more than a bit of attention to the number on the scale. And wreaking a bit of havoc on the wardrobe especially since just a year ago I weighed the least I have in quite some time.
Enter yoga pants.
Ahhh, the wonders of yoga pants. Comfortable. Able to stretch to accommodate all sizes. And still look somewhat stylish.
Many of you know I'm a coach and consultant so I am one of the fortunate millions who make my own schedule. I balance work with the care and demands of a 7-year-old and volunteer/house/life stuff. Lately (good timing with the holidays) I've had lots of custom writing jobs which means work but less face-to-face time with clients.
Enter yoga pants.
It's a little scary how often I've worn yoga pants in the last two weeks. Even a little distressing to me. I suppose I should just be thankful for the flexibility that my recent schedule has allowed but I can't help wonder (worry?) if I'm backsliding a bit. Relaxing my standards. What's next? Pajamas?
Monday, December 10, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
The End of Civility
Beware- this is another rant, which- now that I think about it- might be in direct contradiction to the whole message of this post. But so be it.
Yesterday, my mother and I took my daughter to see her first pseudo-production of the Nutcracker. Basically, it was the second act minus the pretty swan boats and dreamy prince. It was produced by her dance company and we were all excited. The night before, in reviewing the tickets, I realized that it was not being held at the high school performance space where previous recitals had been staged but, instead, at the local rec center. Really? Ballet at the rec center? I was dubious about those two phrases even belonging in the same context but we went. Enthusiastically.
When we got there, we soon realized that the performance would be held in a community room of a space and all the seats were flat on the floor. Meaning, that if you're shorter than 5 foot you can't see anything but backs and heads seated past the first five rows. Big bummer. Especially to someone whose age is in single digits and whose height equals approximately 46 inches.
After struggling with the where-to-sit-to-see conundrum, we decided on the back row where my daughter could scoot her chair somewhat out into the aisle. Her dance teacher from last year was there with her two daughters and thought that this was a fabulous idea and proceeded to do the same. We had created a midget seating section with unobstructed views, not bothering anyone. Or so we thought.
No sooner had we gotten the girls settled, a woman- A FULL ON ADULT WOMAN- scooted her chair into the aisle as well and then started complaining that the girls were blocking her view. Really? You are going to complain about being obstructed by a 5, 7, and 8 year old in the back row? I gave her a bit of stink eye and simply stated, "really? they're so short." She looked ticked but complained no more. However, the exchange left a really bad taste in my mouth. What is wrong with our culture when, instead of thinking first of letting a group of girls enjoy a performance and perhaps experiencing just a bit of inconvenience, her thought was "what about me?"
And don't even get me started on all the Black Friday shopping stories. At least no one was killed this year, at least that I heard of. I blame my recent pessimistic view of the world on a viewing of Contagion which outlined in horrendous detail what would happen if there was a shortage of resources (those who saw it know what I'm talking about). But, really, whatever happened to common civility? I'm worried.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Checking Out
This is from a few weeks ago but I wanted to post it because it was such a valuable thing for me to pay attention to...
Every once in a while it's good to check out. Ignore the texts and emails. Ignore the work due and deadlines approaching. Ignore the dust bunnies scrambling around the house and just check out. I was recently reminded of this.
Last week, due to a combination of a light schedule and a touch of stomach bug, my daughter and I had a day at home. It. was. awesome. We have a pretty full schedule around here regularly: school, dance classes, play dates, camp, swim lessons, art classes... oh, and let's not forget running my own business and other work. Oy. I'm getting a headache just reading that list. Like it or rue it, it's our life for now.
But getting back to that awesome day last week. I woke up, wasn't feeling great and had a bit of a slow start to the morning. Mid-morning, my daughter suggested we do a little scrap booking, something I had been wanting to do recently but never got around to squeezing it in. One hour led to another. We had an incredible time- being creative together, listening to music, talking. So great!
After, we had a little lunch, watched some junk T.V., and did some other not-too-urgent things. It was totally rejuvenating. All I could think was, "why don't I do this more often?" Really, why?
Every once in a while it's good to check out. Ignore the texts and emails. Ignore the work due and deadlines approaching. Ignore the dust bunnies scrambling around the house and just check out. I was recently reminded of this.
Last week, due to a combination of a light schedule and a touch of stomach bug, my daughter and I had a day at home. It. was. awesome. We have a pretty full schedule around here regularly: school, dance classes, play dates, camp, swim lessons, art classes... oh, and let's not forget running my own business and other work. Oy. I'm getting a headache just reading that list. Like it or rue it, it's our life for now.
But getting back to that awesome day last week. I woke up, wasn't feeling great and had a bit of a slow start to the morning. Mid-morning, my daughter suggested we do a little scrap booking, something I had been wanting to do recently but never got around to squeezing it in. One hour led to another. We had an incredible time- being creative together, listening to music, talking. So great!
After, we had a little lunch, watched some junk T.V., and did some other not-too-urgent things. It was totally rejuvenating. All I could think was, "why don't I do this more often?" Really, why?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Today... July 10th
They say that you don't fully grow up until you lose a parent. Fortunately, I've not had that experience yet. But I've had another kind of experience and today I mark that anniversary- the death of a dear, dear friend; my soul sister. Megan Burness Yin died four years ago today at the age of 37 (www.lifestorynet.com/memories/38214). She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004 when eight months pregnant. She dodged and wove her way through four years of treatment, mastectomy, spread, more treatment... all while giving birth and raising, the best she could, her beautiful daughter. She wanted to make it to her daughter's fifth birthday and died four months short of that goal. She was an awesome, crazy, fighter. And she spent a lot of time lifting up others when she was in the chemo room, even though feeling like crap herself.
She was indescribable. So I won't try to do so here. I did a lot of growing up in those years, sorry that that particular experience took me on that journey. I miss her every single day and it's not gotten any easier, as "they" say. I'm including below the words I shared at her funeral. Doesn't do her quite the justice that I wanted it to; how can it ever? But, today is all about Megan.
I would venture to say that every
single person who has met Megan has a unique story about her, how she touched
his or her life. I’d like to share
some of my Megan gifts with you.
I met Megan in graduate school at
Case Western Reserve University.
Specifically, my first clear memory of her is meeting in the coatroom of
the Cleveland Museum of Art, which isn’t quite as bizarre as it sounds since
the Master’s program in Art History was housed at the Museum and they
graciously provided two rows of the coatroom where we had the privilege of
stashing all our stuff between classes.
We bonded over a mini-crisis but
soon discovered we had much more in common. We shared a love of all things art, music, popular culture- did you know you can have an
intellectual conversation about who is the hottest guy on Homicide?
We shared a passion for museum
education, fashion, shopping... we almost shared a birthday … too many things
to mention today. Megan was
fortunate to have an outstanding sister in Amanda. I did not and Megan was my sister.
Our experiences- from the mundane
to the life-changing- are, again, too many to mention. We shared countless trips- complete
with mix tapes- both as single gals on the road and as mothers. We enjoyed concerts together…
especially that Hall and Oates/Carly Simon gig at Blossom. And other time together… movies at the
Cedar Lee, trips to Tommy’s, a birthday party at the Lakewood apartment shared
with Deb, porch nights in Oberlin, just hanging out … Watching her meet and
become enamored with Jordan… and be joyfully awed by the miracle of Evan.
She taught me things. How to be a better writer as I read her
graduate papers for typos. How to
make the perfect Greek salad- she almost had me eating red onions. How to make moves to new cities and new
lives. How to perfectly shop for
and give the “combo gift”, a collection of little significant tidbits that,
combined, made just about the most thoughtful and meaningful gift in the world for
the recipient. That skill should
be copy written to her. She taught
me how to be a more courageous person as I saw her take career and life opportunities
that seemed so brave to me. And
she kicked butt in every single one.
The last time I saw Megan we had a
really interesting conversation about afterlife- the possibility of… and the
possibility of visits by those who had gone on, maybe in the form of an animal
companion or some other. I hope I
have the good fortune to be visited by Megan. I know she will always be in my mind. But, if she does visit, maybe it will
be as the sun. She pulled everyone
closer with her radiance, warmth, and brilliance. She might be a little mystified, or at least unaware of that
effect and pull. Perhaps thinking
she was a little unworthy for such accolades. Which we all know she wasn’t.
I will think of her as the sun because she will always be present and
close, shining brightly, warmly into my life and casting her light around.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
A Gift
So the gratitude thing isn't going so well. I wish I could say I've been faithfully recording my three items every night... but I haven't. But what I have been noticing more frequently are the other gifts in my life. That's sort of related to gratitude, right?
Here's what I've been noticing: Nature. It helps that I live on a ravine and the views out of the kitchen windows are trees and a creek. You think it would be easy to notice the nature. Not necessarily so. But I've been working with my friend Nancy Nicholas lately in creating a better space and practice of meditation. And she has made it easy. A master at helping to create that practice with ease because, trust me, it has never come easy. Next to "monkey mind" in the dictionary, is my picture. It's working! Not only in my meditation time but all other times too. Those animal totems are popping up everywhere. Lizards... herons... deer... Lots of messages. They bring me both peace and direction. And the mild winter we had didn't do any harm to my nature spirits, raising them immensely.
Helping others. This has been the greatest gift of all to me given my chosen line of work. I spend a lot of time working and concentrating on providing good service and being of help to others. But what I rarely do is notice how it affects me. Well, I've been noticing lately. And what I'm noticing is how much fulfillment it gives me to help others. Especially through my work. There are a ton of ways I can help someone in a job search and, let's face it, most (all?) of my clients come to me because they are seeking help. Pretty easy. More and more recently, I have been overcome by a feeling of goodwill when I am able to provide this support. It's quite a shot of oxygen.
A word about helping... we have an extremely interesting dissonance in our culture around the issue of helping. For the most part, we all like to help others, right? Yet asking for help is one of the most difficult things for us to do. So there are a bunch of people sitting around ready, willing- wanting-, and able to help... and a bunch of people who need help but are too afraid to ask. I try to impress upon clients, when they are feeling shy about asking for a reference or a networking favor, that people like to do things for other people. Enjoy that. Use that. Lately, my attempt at remedying this situation has been trying to anticipate when others might need help. (Are any of you picturing the overzealous Boy Scout trying to help the old lady across the street; the one she doesn't want to cross?) And offering help before being asked.
I want to get back to the gratitude but, for now, gifts might need to take the place of gratitude.
Here's what I've been noticing: Nature. It helps that I live on a ravine and the views out of the kitchen windows are trees and a creek. You think it would be easy to notice the nature. Not necessarily so. But I've been working with my friend Nancy Nicholas lately in creating a better space and practice of meditation. And she has made it easy. A master at helping to create that practice with ease because, trust me, it has never come easy. Next to "monkey mind" in the dictionary, is my picture. It's working! Not only in my meditation time but all other times too. Those animal totems are popping up everywhere. Lizards... herons... deer... Lots of messages. They bring me both peace and direction. And the mild winter we had didn't do any harm to my nature spirits, raising them immensely.
Helping others. This has been the greatest gift of all to me given my chosen line of work. I spend a lot of time working and concentrating on providing good service and being of help to others. But what I rarely do is notice how it affects me. Well, I've been noticing lately. And what I'm noticing is how much fulfillment it gives me to help others. Especially through my work. There are a ton of ways I can help someone in a job search and, let's face it, most (all?) of my clients come to me because they are seeking help. Pretty easy. More and more recently, I have been overcome by a feeling of goodwill when I am able to provide this support. It's quite a shot of oxygen.
A word about helping... we have an extremely interesting dissonance in our culture around the issue of helping. For the most part, we all like to help others, right? Yet asking for help is one of the most difficult things for us to do. So there are a bunch of people sitting around ready, willing- wanting-, and able to help... and a bunch of people who need help but are too afraid to ask. I try to impress upon clients, when they are feeling shy about asking for a reference or a networking favor, that people like to do things for other people. Enjoy that. Use that. Lately, my attempt at remedying this situation has been trying to anticipate when others might need help. (Are any of you picturing the overzealous Boy Scout trying to help the old lady across the street; the one she doesn't want to cross?) And offering help before being asked.
I want to get back to the gratitude but, for now, gifts might need to take the place of gratitude.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Aging Gracefully?
You knew this post was coming sooner or later. And here it is! 42 has been my year of aging, and not so gracefully. I guess I knew it was coming as well- the aging part, I mean- but up until the last couple of years, I really felt like I was stuck physically at about age 28. Which was a decent place to be stuck. Not so, this past year. I have begun moving through the aging process with lightening speed.
Childbirth diminishes the body. I don't care what anybody says about your body bouncing back, getting better with age. It's not true. Sure those little buggers will give you a ton of joy. But they will also wreck your body and wear you down.
Then there are all the weird aches and pains that start once you hit 40. It's like they just appear overnight. And don't get me started on the other weird sensations and things that even doctors don't even know how to classify. Oh, how much I have learned this year about seeking out all the answers. Sometimes it's just better not to know. Ignorance is bliss. Remember that, all you 30-year-olds out there.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Holy Interrobang
Speaking of dictionary.com, I ran across this little word the other day when I was writing my gratitude post: interrobang. There's a little pop-up feature on the website that asks if you know what a word means. Anyone know what that little bad boy means? I didn't either so I hit the link. And this is what it says:
noun
a printed punctuation mark (‽), available only in some typefaces, designed to combine the question mark (?) and the exclamation point (!), indicating a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question.
Although I can't see myself using it much with my resume work, it seems very useful otherwise. I can think of a couple places I could use an interrobang. See? It's already becoming part of my vernacular. Anyway, yet another little useless ditty I can add to my repertoire. I'm often ridiculed for have an over abundance of obscure information. So be it. You gotta be good at something...
Although I can't see myself using it much with my resume work, it seems very useful otherwise. I can think of a couple places I could use an interrobang. See? It's already becoming part of my vernacular. Anyway, yet another little useless ditty I can add to my repertoire. I'm often ridiculed for have an over abundance of obscure information. So be it. You gotta be good at something...
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A Word About Gratitude...
It seems these days I can't escape gratitude. I've been thinking about it a lot and now it's a appearing everywhere in my life. Not so much the concept of me having more but the not-so-subtle reminders that I should be acknowledging it more. My favorite life coach, Cheryl Richardson, talks about developing your "maverick muscle"- the practice of doing something courageous or against the norm a bit more often- but I think I could be cultivating my "gratitude muscle" a little more actively.
About three years ago, a holistic provider/colleague of mine suggested I keep a gratitude journal. Nothing too complicated; just jot down at night three things that you were thankful that day, big or small. I did. It felt great. And the practice lasted about two weeks and then my entries dropped off to once a month... then once every couple of months... you see where I'm going with this.
But, now, this concept of gratitude is all around me. I see it frequently in the the daily thought sheets that are on my Louise Hay calendar. I see it in magazines. I even drove past a sign on the PA turnpike last week (I kid you not). So maybe it's time for the practice to begin again. I've got a lot to be grateful for, not the least of which is my awesome husband and super-fantastic daughter. I could go on and on, but, trust me, there's a lot of grateful in my life.
After all, isn't gratitude ("the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful", as defined by dictionary.com, my most favorite internet tool outside of Google) something we could all focus a little bit more on? And I figure, if I'm focusing on that, then I can't focus on all the other not so gratitude-inducing things. Re-framing of sorts. I'll let you know how it goes...
About three years ago, a holistic provider/colleague of mine suggested I keep a gratitude journal. Nothing too complicated; just jot down at night three things that you were thankful that day, big or small. I did. It felt great. And the practice lasted about two weeks and then my entries dropped off to once a month... then once every couple of months... you see where I'm going with this.
But, now, this concept of gratitude is all around me. I see it frequently in the the daily thought sheets that are on my Louise Hay calendar. I see it in magazines. I even drove past a sign on the PA turnpike last week (I kid you not). So maybe it's time for the practice to begin again. I've got a lot to be grateful for, not the least of which is my awesome husband and super-fantastic daughter. I could go on and on, but, trust me, there's a lot of grateful in my life.
After all, isn't gratitude ("the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful", as defined by dictionary.com, my most favorite internet tool outside of Google) something we could all focus a little bit more on? And I figure, if I'm focusing on that, then I can't focus on all the other not so gratitude-inducing things. Re-framing of sorts. I'll let you know how it goes...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
You Know It's Bad...
So, you know it's been a long time since the last entry when you go to log onto Blogger and can't remember your user name and password. Mea culpa. No excuses but 2011 was not a great year for me. Maybe someday I'll share the details but, for now, the year is over. Hel-lo 2012!! I'm looking forward to a better year and am going to make an attempt at more blogging.
I've been somewhat shamed into this commitment by my friend who, despite being a crazy-busy person, is able to maintain her blog regularly with interesting and engaging entries- everydaymom.weebly.com. You know who you are and I tip my hat to you! One thing you've taught me is brevity. Doesn't have to be a mini-novel.
So, although I don't believe in new year's resolutions (really, why set yourself up like that?), here's to my attempt at better communication for 2012... for all 4 of my readers...
I've been somewhat shamed into this commitment by my friend who, despite being a crazy-busy person, is able to maintain her blog regularly with interesting and engaging entries- everydaymom.weebly.com. You know who you are and I tip my hat to you! One thing you've taught me is brevity. Doesn't have to be a mini-novel.
So, although I don't believe in new year's resolutions (really, why set yourself up like that?), here's to my attempt at better communication for 2012... for all 4 of my readers...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I'm Still Young!
It's no secret I'm 41 and, most days, I'm fine with that. Others dread the "big" birthdays past 20- 30, 40, 50, and beyond- but I have embraced each new decade. My 20s were exceptionally difficult for me. Those years felt like an unending array of challenges. So, when 30 came around I felt liberated. I woke up that morning of my birthday and felt lighter. Literally. It was lovely. My 30s proved to be a biggest and best decade of my life, providing many of my adult milestones- meeting my husband to be, getting married, welcoming the wondrous tornado that is our daughter. When I hit 40, I felt much the same way. A feeling of coming into my own yet again, in a newer and more mature way.
But every once in a while, I get a pang for days gone by. Maybe it's the fact I recently watched the Grammy's, as I do every year. This year was a bit different because I have a friend who attended. Her husband's band was nominated for best children's album (Justin Roberts; friend's husband is the drummer, FYI) and I've spent the last few days living vicariously through her Facebook posts, photos, and messages. So fun to watch the fun and weigh in on shoe choices, new hair, and celebrity sightings.
And let's talk about Katy Perry. I have my regular forays into pop music but something about Katy Perry just captivates me. And such catchy music! Any of you out there get the same stirrings when "Teenage Dream" comes on? Doesn't it make you want to stay out late on a summer night?
But mostly as I watch, I just keep thinking that I'm glad I don't have to sit through 4+ hours of all the hoopla. Sure, I like the music and all that. But I like being at home with my husband even more. My perspective has changed, as have my priorities, and I'm fine with that. But I can still feel 25, right?
But every once in a while, I get a pang for days gone by. Maybe it's the fact I recently watched the Grammy's, as I do every year. This year was a bit different because I have a friend who attended. Her husband's band was nominated for best children's album (Justin Roberts; friend's husband is the drummer, FYI) and I've spent the last few days living vicariously through her Facebook posts, photos, and messages. So fun to watch the fun and weigh in on shoe choices, new hair, and celebrity sightings.
And let's talk about Katy Perry. I have my regular forays into pop music but something about Katy Perry just captivates me. And such catchy music! Any of you out there get the same stirrings when "Teenage Dream" comes on? Doesn't it make you want to stay out late on a summer night?
But mostly as I watch, I just keep thinking that I'm glad I don't have to sit through 4+ hours of all the hoopla. Sure, I like the music and all that. But I like being at home with my husband even more. My perspective has changed, as have my priorities, and I'm fine with that. But I can still feel 25, right?
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The Magic of 5
So after all of my complaining 5 is turning out to be a pretty good age at our house. It's hard to know what exactly has inspired the change but here are my thoughts on contributing factors:
1) Getting older. My daughter is just plain older and working through some of the developmental issues that plagued us at age 4... like the frequent door slamming, kicking, and use of inappropriate words. I'll admit it all here. She was a real handful and oftentimes acting in ways that did not make a mother proud.
2) Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey. A friend suggested this program many (many!) months ago and I could not get into it. But then it was offered locally in a round of sessions that fit oh-so-conveniently into our schedule. After realizing during the first class that much of the program hinged on me changing my reactions and behaviors (oh crap!), I was gradually bought in. Now I'm all in. Using the strategies of the program has been life changing at our house. Hard to describe in a few words but much of it has to do with responding to and meeting your kid at their appropriate developmental level. And it's all about empathy and firmness, things we've found our daughter responds well to. Check it out for yourself- www.consciousdiscipline.com.
3) Working less frenetically. It's no secret to those who know me that I am quite passionate about my work. I love it. I believe in it. But over the spring and summer my work pace was getting quite frenetic. It's not the kind of job that you leave at the office. I started to realize earlier this fall that the less stressed I was about work, the more time- better time- I was able to give my daughter. Duh! And she has really thrived under the new pace and better attention. And, likewise, she has not done so well as my pace has picked up again. It's been hard to downshift because I'm so driven about my work. But, when all's said and done, I'll always have the time to work that way again; this special time with my daughter is ephemeral. I know, I'm starting to sound a bit like a broken record about all this time's-a-wastin' stuff. But it's true.
I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. I know there will be the occasional dips as we go. But I'll take the changes, regardless of the reasons! And here's to hoping 13 will be as peaceful as 5...
1) Getting older. My daughter is just plain older and working through some of the developmental issues that plagued us at age 4... like the frequent door slamming, kicking, and use of inappropriate words. I'll admit it all here. She was a real handful and oftentimes acting in ways that did not make a mother proud.
2) Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey. A friend suggested this program many (many!) months ago and I could not get into it. But then it was offered locally in a round of sessions that fit oh-so-conveniently into our schedule. After realizing during the first class that much of the program hinged on me changing my reactions and behaviors (oh crap!), I was gradually bought in. Now I'm all in. Using the strategies of the program has been life changing at our house. Hard to describe in a few words but much of it has to do with responding to and meeting your kid at their appropriate developmental level. And it's all about empathy and firmness, things we've found our daughter responds well to. Check it out for yourself- www.consciousdiscipline.com.
3) Working less frenetically. It's no secret to those who know me that I am quite passionate about my work. I love it. I believe in it. But over the spring and summer my work pace was getting quite frenetic. It's not the kind of job that you leave at the office. I started to realize earlier this fall that the less stressed I was about work, the more time- better time- I was able to give my daughter. Duh! And she has really thrived under the new pace and better attention. And, likewise, she has not done so well as my pace has picked up again. It's been hard to downshift because I'm so driven about my work. But, when all's said and done, I'll always have the time to work that way again; this special time with my daughter is ephemeral. I know, I'm starting to sound a bit like a broken record about all this time's-a-wastin' stuff. But it's true.
I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. I know there will be the occasional dips as we go. But I'll take the changes, regardless of the reasons! And here's to hoping 13 will be as peaceful as 5...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Guest Blogger ~ Graveyard Shift
A friend and I were talking about my blogging awhile ago, shortly after I started. I was sharing with her how cathartic it is to be able to write it all out. I invited her to contribute a post or two or seven. And she has done just that. Here it is... enjoy!
Graveyard Shift
Just over a week ago, I was behind on a project very close to deadline, and I found myself needing to stay up late—very late—to make the required headway. Strangely enough, I was never one to pull all-nighters studying in college and had an infant who slept through the night at ten days old. But the late night has become something of a standard practice, especially with copy editing work, and I actually enjoy the quiet and focus available after the rest of the family is sound asleep. This particular time, though, late turned into early. I took two hour-long naps on the couch but otherwise stayed up all night. We happened to be visiting my parents at the time, and my mom was the first one up to find me in the clothes I had been wearing when she went to bed. I could read the concern and question in her voice as she realized I’d never turned in the night before, but I was not worried in the least. It quickly came to me that the best way to help her understand was to say, “Just think of it as working the ‘graveyard shift.’”
And so it is. Regardless of my self-identity as part of the “professional class” (my dad was an M.D.), my actual socioeconomic situation is not. The house we live in, the cars we drive, the places we shop—these things are more wholly consistent with people who routinely have graveyard shift jobs to make their lives work. (That’s not to say that ER docs never work the graveyard shift, but you know what I mean.) I’m fortunate to choose it, to have the opportunity to be home for impromptu playdough parties and trips to the park. But nonetheless, there is work that needs to be done, and sometimes I need the graveyard shift to get it done. I don’t love it, I explained to my mom, but neither do I resent it. In fact, over the months I’ve found it a unique spiritual experience that perhaps I should choose for myself even when I don’t even have work to do.
Staying up all night is obviously miserable in the aftermath; in the morning you feel dirty and strung-out and have to function somehow anyway. I do not look forward to whatever preschooler whining or defiance the day might bring in combination with being dog tired. But something about my over-tired state makes me more aware of my potential for choosing unwisely. There are always plenty of circumstances that could warrant my annoyance or even anger. But often after a late night, I find myself immersed in a good day, a calm day, almost as if the tiredness conjures up a peace and unflappability that exists entirely outside of myself.
My experience of the “graveyard shift” in many ways reminds me of the ancient Christian spiritual practice of “the watch,” a fancy way to denote staying up all night “watching” for God—listening, praying, singing, or doing other Godwardly-focused activities to keep oneself awake. Other disciplines of withdrawal (like fasting, silence, simplicity, and solitude) are similar. The goal is to foster dependence on God rather than on the things that usually keep us occupied. The temporary denial of these natural (and, incidentally, good) impulses—and the requisite hunger, exhaustion, the desire company or the longing to express yourself—remind the individual to turn to God for strength, for company, to work for and defend what is good and right and best. Ultimately, yielding these needs to God makes a person all the more joyful and appreciative of them when they are met—not simply that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but because absence proves to us that survival is not merely filling our bellies or pursuing our life goals. To survive at the deepest level is to tap into a Peace that does not require sleep, a Joy not tied to feeling happy, a Love without conditions. A shock to the system snaps us back into our proper orbit, corrects our common tendency to make ourselves the center and view life as though everything revolves around us.
And yet I cannot seem to rise above this tendency enough that I regularly perceive my need for radical reorientation. Instead I plug along at the status quo and experience my desperation only when I’ve pursued a self-centered end, like skipping lunch so I can keep working, or staying up late to watch my television pleasure du jour (currently—don’t laugh—the early seasons of Smallville). In other words, I’d make a pitiful nun. But the truth is, I’m not a nun or an ascetic: I’m a wife, a mommy, a daughter, a sister, a worker, and a friend. So I’ll take my times of refreshing and uncomfortable realization of dependence where I can get them—for now, from the graveyard shift.
Graveyard Shift
Just over a week ago, I was behind on a project very close to deadline, and I found myself needing to stay up late—very late—to make the required headway. Strangely enough, I was never one to pull all-nighters studying in college and had an infant who slept through the night at ten days old. But the late night has become something of a standard practice, especially with copy editing work, and I actually enjoy the quiet and focus available after the rest of the family is sound asleep. This particular time, though, late turned into early. I took two hour-long naps on the couch but otherwise stayed up all night. We happened to be visiting my parents at the time, and my mom was the first one up to find me in the clothes I had been wearing when she went to bed. I could read the concern and question in her voice as she realized I’d never turned in the night before, but I was not worried in the least. It quickly came to me that the best way to help her understand was to say, “Just think of it as working the ‘graveyard shift.’”
And so it is. Regardless of my self-identity as part of the “professional class” (my dad was an M.D.), my actual socioeconomic situation is not. The house we live in, the cars we drive, the places we shop—these things are more wholly consistent with people who routinely have graveyard shift jobs to make their lives work. (That’s not to say that ER docs never work the graveyard shift, but you know what I mean.) I’m fortunate to choose it, to have the opportunity to be home for impromptu playdough parties and trips to the park. But nonetheless, there is work that needs to be done, and sometimes I need the graveyard shift to get it done. I don’t love it, I explained to my mom, but neither do I resent it. In fact, over the months I’ve found it a unique spiritual experience that perhaps I should choose for myself even when I don’t even have work to do.
Staying up all night is obviously miserable in the aftermath; in the morning you feel dirty and strung-out and have to function somehow anyway. I do not look forward to whatever preschooler whining or defiance the day might bring in combination with being dog tired. But something about my over-tired state makes me more aware of my potential for choosing unwisely. There are always plenty of circumstances that could warrant my annoyance or even anger. But often after a late night, I find myself immersed in a good day, a calm day, almost as if the tiredness conjures up a peace and unflappability that exists entirely outside of myself.
My experience of the “graveyard shift” in many ways reminds me of the ancient Christian spiritual practice of “the watch,” a fancy way to denote staying up all night “watching” for God—listening, praying, singing, or doing other Godwardly-focused activities to keep oneself awake. Other disciplines of withdrawal (like fasting, silence, simplicity, and solitude) are similar. The goal is to foster dependence on God rather than on the things that usually keep us occupied. The temporary denial of these natural (and, incidentally, good) impulses—and the requisite hunger, exhaustion, the desire company or the longing to express yourself—remind the individual to turn to God for strength, for company, to work for and defend what is good and right and best. Ultimately, yielding these needs to God makes a person all the more joyful and appreciative of them when they are met—not simply that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but because absence proves to us that survival is not merely filling our bellies or pursuing our life goals. To survive at the deepest level is to tap into a Peace that does not require sleep, a Joy not tied to feeling happy, a Love without conditions. A shock to the system snaps us back into our proper orbit, corrects our common tendency to make ourselves the center and view life as though everything revolves around us.
And yet I cannot seem to rise above this tendency enough that I regularly perceive my need for radical reorientation. Instead I plug along at the status quo and experience my desperation only when I’ve pursued a self-centered end, like skipping lunch so I can keep working, or staying up late to watch my television pleasure du jour (currently—don’t laugh—the early seasons of Smallville). In other words, I’d make a pitiful nun. But the truth is, I’m not a nun or an ascetic: I’m a wife, a mommy, a daughter, a sister, a worker, and a friend. So I’ll take my times of refreshing and uncomfortable realization of dependence where I can get them—for now, from the graveyard shift.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Power of Show Tunes
Anyone who spends more than 5 minutes with our family unit realizes I am not the preferred parent. Daddy is king at our house and I'm okay with that... most days. But, really, what mother doesn't have fantasies about ultimate mother-daughter bonding moments? And who expects their daughter to start rejecting them at age 3? You think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. Since about 3-years-old my daughter has thought of her father and me- especially me- as only necessary to get her what she wants. Even as recently as today she was complaining that she is often forced to do whatever her dad and I want to because we drive and she doesn't. We had to break it to her that she can't drive for another 10 1/2 years.
Understandably, I look for small moments of "bonding." I take them (read: steal them) when I can. Enter show tunes. My love of Glee (Season 1 in particular; has it already jumped the shark for Season 2? Discuss...) is no secret. And I often download the music. My kid steals my iPhone whenever we buckle into the car; we listen to Glee music. Over and over again. And we sing. At the top of our lungs. Okay, some are inappropriate (Like A Virgin?) but some are just plain magical. Have you really listened to Defying Gravity lately? Who can't help but feel uplifted by that? So, we sing. And enjoy. And bond.
Understandably, I look for small moments of "bonding." I take them (read: steal them) when I can. Enter show tunes. My love of Glee (Season 1 in particular; has it already jumped the shark for Season 2? Discuss...) is no secret. And I often download the music. My kid steals my iPhone whenever we buckle into the car; we listen to Glee music. Over and over again. And we sing. At the top of our lungs. Okay, some are inappropriate (Like A Virgin?) but some are just plain magical. Have you really listened to Defying Gravity lately? Who can't help but feel uplifted by that? So, we sing. And enjoy. And bond.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Standoff
Our levy failed yet again yesterday for what seems like the umpteenth time. Let me clarify two things: I supported the levy yesterday because it was an emergency replacement levy and not a permanent levy but have not done so automatically in the past few years. I'm a little fed up. That's saying a lot for someone who used to be an automatic levy supporter. Support the kids; support the schools? Absolutely!
But now, with this last failure, I feel like there is a dangerous culture brewing. A culture of impasse. The district no longer sees these failures as a message regarding the importance of taking stock and making some much-needed constructive changes. Instead, they have assumed a slash and burn mentality. Cut, cut, cut more programs. Likewise, the voters, getting sick of cuts with no other plans or transformation behind them seem to be intent on resending the message, 'no more money for you until we see something that indicates change.'
A standoff. Sigh. I fear this whole situation is leading to a downward spiral that is going to do nothing for anybody, least of all our children or property values. I'm just hoping for some dialogue and someone who has the courage to break this cycle. Please??
Until then, anyone know of a nice place to live in the Cloverleaf District?
But now, with this last failure, I feel like there is a dangerous culture brewing. A culture of impasse. The district no longer sees these failures as a message regarding the importance of taking stock and making some much-needed constructive changes. Instead, they have assumed a slash and burn mentality. Cut, cut, cut more programs. Likewise, the voters, getting sick of cuts with no other plans or transformation behind them seem to be intent on resending the message, 'no more money for you until we see something that indicates change.'
A standoff. Sigh. I fear this whole situation is leading to a downward spiral that is going to do nothing for anybody, least of all our children or property values. I'm just hoping for some dialogue and someone who has the courage to break this cycle. Please??
Until then, anyone know of a nice place to live in the Cloverleaf District?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Will I Be Able To Remember All This?
I'm a big fan of Anna Quindlen and have several of her works, compilations of past columns and her more recent books. One of the things I envy about her is that she is recording her life lessons for her kids. They will always have a written record of the things she has learned in life and the wisdom she has to impart. She will never have to worry if she remembered to tell them everything. Whether they choose to read it or heed it is not the point. It's there. In print. When my daughter was born, I inevitably started thinking about the aspects of my life and personality aspects that I wanted to share with her. The traits I hoped she'd inherit and those that I thought I'd do my damnedest to not pass on. But how do you remember everything? I could get hit by a bus any day and have I impressed upon her enough that, most times-- always?-- it's better to believe in yourself at the risk of going against the crowd?
My mother-in-law started telling her at a very, very young age (2 weeks, maybe?), "Question authority." I love this. It's quick, easy, wise, and highly memorable. I need to start making up some of those myself. I can turn them into little family sayings-- something besides "you can't always get what you want" (yes, think Rolling Stones) which seemed to be the mantra as we navigated the treacherous waters of 4-years-old, now much better at 5. Then maybe I can just jot them down finally and tuck them away somewhere safe.
And I'd also like to start recording the things my daughter says. All those gems she imparts in such a way that only a little tyke can but that make perfect sense. A lot to be learned there, in-between the pint-sized tyrant proclamations. My current favorite is the word "puffy." We try not to use the word "fat" in our house because I think it's just plain unkind. So, instead, my daughter came up with the word "puffy" to describe people of a more generous bearing. I love it! Because it's so descriptive. Because it's so neutral in terms of judgment. Try it, you might like it.
So, I feel a bit like time's a wastin' here. My daughter is now five and I've been a cliche-laden wreck. Where has the time gone? They grow old so fast... Pretty soon she'll be a teenager... so, for the time being, I keep grabbing my camera and hope that I can capture just a bit of the ephemera.
My mother-in-law started telling her at a very, very young age (2 weeks, maybe?), "Question authority." I love this. It's quick, easy, wise, and highly memorable. I need to start making up some of those myself. I can turn them into little family sayings-- something besides "you can't always get what you want" (yes, think Rolling Stones) which seemed to be the mantra as we navigated the treacherous waters of 4-years-old, now much better at 5. Then maybe I can just jot them down finally and tuck them away somewhere safe.
And I'd also like to start recording the things my daughter says. All those gems she imparts in such a way that only a little tyke can but that make perfect sense. A lot to be learned there, in-between the pint-sized tyrant proclamations. My current favorite is the word "puffy." We try not to use the word "fat" in our house because I think it's just plain unkind. So, instead, my daughter came up with the word "puffy" to describe people of a more generous bearing. I love it! Because it's so descriptive. Because it's so neutral in terms of judgment. Try it, you might like it.
So, I feel a bit like time's a wastin' here. My daughter is now five and I've been a cliche-laden wreck. Where has the time gone? They grow old so fast... Pretty soon she'll be a teenager... so, for the time being, I keep grabbing my camera and hope that I can capture just a bit of the ephemera.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
What summer?
I don't know about you, but it's now September and I'm finding myself asking, "where did the summer go?" I know I was here and it was May... and now it's the beginning of September. Crazy! I've heard this is what happens when you get older; time passes more quickly. Truth be told, I'm looking forward to the fall. It's my favorite season and, after years of trying to put the shine on, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm just not a summer person. I don't like heat, especially when it creeps towards 90 degrees with 90% humidity. I'm not so great at days and days of unstructured time. And I'm certainly not good at entertaining my five-year-old who was bored starting sometime in mid-June. So here's to fall! And crisp fall days. The scent of wood burning fireplaces. Beautiful vibrant colors. Snuggling under the comforter at night. Wearing sweaters and sweatshirts again. Now, if we could only stop the arrival of winter.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Back on the Wagon
I've found it! I've written before about my on and off relationship with exercise. I'm not one of those people who eagerly bounds out of bed in the morning to go run my 5K. However, as I've mentioned previously, I really enjoy tennis. But, alas, it's a time limited venture since I play outdoors, live in Ohio, and my partner has turned realtor mogul (go Pam!) so our complicated schedule has become even more complicated. Enter serendipity. Last winter I was invited to join a yoga group being held at a friend's house. I was a little trepidatious. The last time I tried yoga was in the mid-90s in the attic room of my local YMCA. It was hot; it was boring; I thought I would poke my eyes out. But I'm down with the karmic energy so I though I'd give it a whirl again. I love it! I love the teacher, who creates new routines for us every week (no more boredom) that seem to be the perfect balance a good workout, a good stretch, and a monkey mind tamer. Best of all, I love what it's doing for my energy level and body. Once I hit 40 I was feeling a bit pessimistic about the change potential of my body. But I've discovered in the last 4 months, do enough downward dog and plank and I can have biceps again. And start to cultivate long and lean muscle mass again. I'm not kidding myself- I won't ever look like Madonna (who am I kidding? I never looked like Madonna... except for a brief period of time in the 80s when I wore lace gloves and neon bracelets) but I can look like a better 40-year-old version of myself. And feel better. I'm back on the wagon again.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Beauty of Caught Up
Does anyone else out there have a to-do list that feels like it's breathing down their neck? I do. I'm a list maker by nature. I have a list for everything; all sorts of lists-- a work to-do list; a home to-do list; a combined to-do list (more on that later); grocery list... you name the area of my life, I have a list. But if I think I've got a huge list, you should see my husband's list. I caught sight of that baby the other day and, I'll tell you what, if that was my list, I would have a panic attack every time I saw it. But here's the difference, he writes stuff down and basically forgets it until he revisits the list. A very healthy approach to dealing with the list (and anyone will tell you, he is way more well-adjusted and healthy than me about most things in life; the yin to my yang).
And then there's me and my list(s). I write it down. I then obsess whether I've thought of everything. Am I forgetting something I promised to someone? I then spend time considering (read: nitpicking) as to what should be the priority on the list. I worry if the list is too short (what have I forgotten?). I worry if the list is too long (how will I accomplish everything?). It literally keeps me up at night. I not-so-secretly loathe people who sleep soundly at night apparently without a care in the world. I come from a long line of accomplished insomniacs/worry warts and lists are just the beginning of it. But I digress... Being such an accomplished list maker, I have discovered several tools to help me tame the list mess in my life:
Notebook- This program rocks my world! And, unfortunately for you PC users, it's only for Mac. It literally looks like an old-school, spiral-bound notebook. There are tabs on the edge of each page and you can organize it however you want in order to track projects, organize information, and any online info (all those lists of websites you know you're keeping), etc. This description is not doing it justice. It's genius.
Getting Things Done- My husband turned me on to this and I read about it in a magazine article as well. Just can't remember the source. The book (and article) make the case that merging all your to-do lists into a single list will help you be more time efficient. It's true! No more flipping between lists or looking in multiple locations for all your lists. One list; one location. Voila!
Friday afternoon- C'mon, admit it. We all know that Friday afternoon is not the most productive time for most people in their work lives. So, in the interest of doing something on Friday afternoon without completely checking out, I started to make a to-do list for the next week of work. It is doubly beneficial in the fact that, 1) everything from that week is fresh in your mind and you can remember project details easily (no more searching the old memory bank on Monday, trying to remember what you did the week before), and 2) you can hit the ground running on Monday morning because you know exactly where you are headed. And no more thinking all weekend long about what you need to remember for Monday.
Toodledo- I have not used this one but my husband swears by it. As their website proclaims, "An easy to use, online to-do list. Get organized, stay motivated, and be more productive." And who can argue with that? My husband says he especially likes it because he can jot something down on his iPhone if he thinks of it at night (yeah, right, like he ever wakes up once he falls asleep. grrr. see above regarding my dislike of this particular trait... or maybe it's just jealousy). Bad feng shui. Good organization.
So, happy list making to you and yours. May they be short, well-organized, and easily accomplished. And may at some time you feel the beauty of being caught up.
And then there's me and my list(s). I write it down. I then obsess whether I've thought of everything. Am I forgetting something I promised to someone? I then spend time considering (read: nitpicking) as to what should be the priority on the list. I worry if the list is too short (what have I forgotten?). I worry if the list is too long (how will I accomplish everything?). It literally keeps me up at night. I not-so-secretly loathe people who sleep soundly at night apparently without a care in the world. I come from a long line of accomplished insomniacs/worry warts and lists are just the beginning of it. But I digress... Being such an accomplished list maker, I have discovered several tools to help me tame the list mess in my life:
Notebook- This program rocks my world! And, unfortunately for you PC users, it's only for Mac. It literally looks like an old-school, spiral-bound notebook. There are tabs on the edge of each page and you can organize it however you want in order to track projects, organize information, and any online info (all those lists of websites you know you're keeping), etc. This description is not doing it justice. It's genius.
Getting Things Done- My husband turned me on to this and I read about it in a magazine article as well. Just can't remember the source. The book (and article) make the case that merging all your to-do lists into a single list will help you be more time efficient. It's true! No more flipping between lists or looking in multiple locations for all your lists. One list; one location. Voila!
Friday afternoon- C'mon, admit it. We all know that Friday afternoon is not the most productive time for most people in their work lives. So, in the interest of doing something on Friday afternoon without completely checking out, I started to make a to-do list for the next week of work. It is doubly beneficial in the fact that, 1) everything from that week is fresh in your mind and you can remember project details easily (no more searching the old memory bank on Monday, trying to remember what you did the week before), and 2) you can hit the ground running on Monday morning because you know exactly where you are headed. And no more thinking all weekend long about what you need to remember for Monday.
Toodledo- I have not used this one but my husband swears by it. As their website proclaims, "An easy to use, online to-do list. Get organized, stay motivated, and be more productive." And who can argue with that? My husband says he especially likes it because he can jot something down on his iPhone if he thinks of it at night (yeah, right, like he ever wakes up once he falls asleep. grrr. see above regarding my dislike of this particular trait... or maybe it's just jealousy). Bad feng shui. Good organization.
So, happy list making to you and yours. May they be short, well-organized, and easily accomplished. And may at some time you feel the beauty of being caught up.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Who has the time really?
This post is a partial shout-out to my friend who I saw about a month ago. I was yammering on about the blog and he commented that I hadn't posted in a while. This also led me to realize he may very well be my only faithful reader and you need to give your public what they want. You know who you are and this is my commitment to being a better blogger.
But, really, who has the time? It boggles my mind a bit. I don't even have time to read all the blogs I enjoy (guilty pleasure disclosure: Possessionista) let alone be writing every day, even every week. How do people find the time? Are children going unfed? Bills unpaid? Work responsibilities unaddressed? I can barely get through the online news headlines before I'm called away to do something else. It makes me think of my friends who pay those games on Facebook. Where do they find the time? Carol just got a bunch of chickens in Farmville! Why does Carol, who lives in suburbia, need chickens and what exactly is she going to do with all that farm stuff anyway?
There's also my business. I know that one of the ways to effectively market my business is to create a nice, ongoing blog about relevant issues. It's social media marketing 101. But, whenever I think about it, it feels so, so heavy. If I spent time blogging regularly, I'd have to give up some of my client time, thereby not practicing as much and lessening my blog material. A vicious cycle. I know other coaches who blog regularly but also know many have children who are older. Or maybe they are just better time managers. I don't want to rush things but I'm also very much looking forward to having uninterrupted blocks of time within which to work. But, for now, I just walk around laden in guilt about all the things I could be doing to grow my business that I'm not- blogging included. This weighs heavy on my mind. Will I ever feel completely on top of things? Or will there just be something new on the list?
Okay, this has turned into a full-on whine. But, if anyone has any suggestions- tricks, tools, shortcuts- regarding more time-effective blogging, I'm all ears. And what's an acceptable length for entries? How often is considered good flow for posting? Discuss. Talk amongst yourselves. And, by all means, let me know.
But for now, this is my public commitment to try to be a more regular blogger...with better content than this entry. It's actively on my to-do list. And thanks for reading.
But, really, who has the time? It boggles my mind a bit. I don't even have time to read all the blogs I enjoy (guilty pleasure disclosure: Possessionista) let alone be writing every day, even every week. How do people find the time? Are children going unfed? Bills unpaid? Work responsibilities unaddressed? I can barely get through the online news headlines before I'm called away to do something else. It makes me think of my friends who pay those games on Facebook. Where do they find the time? Carol just got a bunch of chickens in Farmville! Why does Carol, who lives in suburbia, need chickens and what exactly is she going to do with all that farm stuff anyway?
There's also my business. I know that one of the ways to effectively market my business is to create a nice, ongoing blog about relevant issues. It's social media marketing 101. But, whenever I think about it, it feels so, so heavy. If I spent time blogging regularly, I'd have to give up some of my client time, thereby not practicing as much and lessening my blog material. A vicious cycle. I know other coaches who blog regularly but also know many have children who are older. Or maybe they are just better time managers. I don't want to rush things but I'm also very much looking forward to having uninterrupted blocks of time within which to work. But, for now, I just walk around laden in guilt about all the things I could be doing to grow my business that I'm not- blogging included. This weighs heavy on my mind. Will I ever feel completely on top of things? Or will there just be something new on the list?
Okay, this has turned into a full-on whine. But, if anyone has any suggestions- tricks, tools, shortcuts- regarding more time-effective blogging, I'm all ears. And what's an acceptable length for entries? How often is considered good flow for posting? Discuss. Talk amongst yourselves. And, by all means, let me know.
But for now, this is my public commitment to try to be a more regular blogger...with better content than this entry. It's actively on my to-do list. And thanks for reading.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
My isms, Part 1
Working in my profession (and having a bit of a tendency toward corniness as well), I have generated a number of sayings- my “isms”- that I tend to use over and over again. I thought I’d share a few here…
Risk is rewarded~ I truly believe this. If you do something that is difficult for you, perhaps even something you thought impossible, you are most likely rewarded by the Universe. Magical things happen. Try it.
Care less~ Many people who are conscientious about their work, their commitments, their responsibilities, etc., spend way too much time and energy overcaring (I think I may have made that word up, but it works!) Perhaps it's worrying about the end result; perhaps it's worrying about how the work or actions will be viewed. Let go. Care less. Rarely will anyone notice and you'll feel so much better.
There is no such thing as a missed opportunity~ Another one I truly believe. If an opportunity is presented to you and you decide to pass it up, for whatever reason- time, money, other commitments... whatever- if it's meant to be a part of your life, it will come back around again.
Hamstering~ This is a verb, "to hamster," as in don't spend a lot of time hamstering around. We've all witnessed it- the little hamster running from one corner of the cage to another or, even worse, running on that crazy wheel, going nowhere. Wasted energy. Wasted time. Unproductive. Don't do it.
Just because you're good at something doesn't mean you should do it~ We all have certain skills at which we excel. Some we enjoy; some, not so much. So, follow your heart... your gut... your instincts, whatever you want to call it. Listen and you will hear and understand what will bring you the greatest happiness, day in and day out. Do it and try not to get distracted by other things that you do well but bum you out.
7-10 theory~ I use this with my career clients but can transfer to many different areas of life. If you are considering something, do a heart check (gut check, intuition check... whatever you want to call it). My feeling is that you should only consider engaging in things that are a 7-10 on the 1-10 scale (1 being something you couldn't imagine doing; 10 being the best possible thing you can think of), because a 5 or 6 eventually turns into a 3 or 4 and who wants to be spending their time doing a bunch of 3s and 4s. Live a little in the 8s and 9s.
It's your journey~ And no one else's. Ultimately, each of us is responsible for the choices we make and our own happiness. Many people will try to influence you, thinking they might know what is best for you. Only you know. Only you can choose your path.
There is power in saying "no"~ Totally self-explanatory. Saying "no" to anything you're not convinced is your journey (see above)... or something as mundane as yet another commitment that you are accepting out of obligation, is completely freeing. And addictive. Try it.
Don't let your compass stray too far~ One of my clients suggested I include this, so this one's for her. Everyone has an internal compass- their internal "true north"- which easily lets you know what the right choices are for you. Follow your compass. Don't spend too much time and energy on things that pull you away from that "true north."
Be still and know~ Okay, this one isn't mine. It comes from Thich Nhat Hahn, the renown Buddhist and contemplative writer. (Okay, all the Christian scholars out there: I am fully aware of Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." But I just prefer the Buddhist version.) Be still and know that all is well. Be still and know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Be still and know that there is no need to be actively seeking. Be still. And know. I like it so much, I had it engraved on a bracelet.
I'm calling this "Part 1" because I'm sure there will be many more in the future. They just seem to appear and then I start using them over and over again...
Risk is rewarded~ I truly believe this. If you do something that is difficult for you, perhaps even something you thought impossible, you are most likely rewarded by the Universe. Magical things happen. Try it.
Care less~ Many people who are conscientious about their work, their commitments, their responsibilities, etc., spend way too much time and energy overcaring (I think I may have made that word up, but it works!) Perhaps it's worrying about the end result; perhaps it's worrying about how the work or actions will be viewed. Let go. Care less. Rarely will anyone notice and you'll feel so much better.
There is no such thing as a missed opportunity~ Another one I truly believe. If an opportunity is presented to you and you decide to pass it up, for whatever reason- time, money, other commitments... whatever- if it's meant to be a part of your life, it will come back around again.
Hamstering~ This is a verb, "to hamster," as in don't spend a lot of time hamstering around. We've all witnessed it- the little hamster running from one corner of the cage to another or, even worse, running on that crazy wheel, going nowhere. Wasted energy. Wasted time. Unproductive. Don't do it.
Just because you're good at something doesn't mean you should do it~ We all have certain skills at which we excel. Some we enjoy; some, not so much. So, follow your heart... your gut... your instincts, whatever you want to call it. Listen and you will hear and understand what will bring you the greatest happiness, day in and day out. Do it and try not to get distracted by other things that you do well but bum you out.
7-10 theory~ I use this with my career clients but can transfer to many different areas of life. If you are considering something, do a heart check (gut check, intuition check... whatever you want to call it). My feeling is that you should only consider engaging in things that are a 7-10 on the 1-10 scale (1 being something you couldn't imagine doing; 10 being the best possible thing you can think of), because a 5 or 6 eventually turns into a 3 or 4 and who wants to be spending their time doing a bunch of 3s and 4s. Live a little in the 8s and 9s.
It's your journey~ And no one else's. Ultimately, each of us is responsible for the choices we make and our own happiness. Many people will try to influence you, thinking they might know what is best for you. Only you know. Only you can choose your path.
There is power in saying "no"~ Totally self-explanatory. Saying "no" to anything you're not convinced is your journey (see above)... or something as mundane as yet another commitment that you are accepting out of obligation, is completely freeing. And addictive. Try it.
Don't let your compass stray too far~ One of my clients suggested I include this, so this one's for her. Everyone has an internal compass- their internal "true north"- which easily lets you know what the right choices are for you. Follow your compass. Don't spend too much time and energy on things that pull you away from that "true north."
Be still and know~ Okay, this one isn't mine. It comes from Thich Nhat Hahn, the renown Buddhist and contemplative writer. (Okay, all the Christian scholars out there: I am fully aware of Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." But I just prefer the Buddhist version.) Be still and know that all is well. Be still and know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Be still and know that there is no need to be actively seeking. Be still. And know. I like it so much, I had it engraved on a bracelet.
I'm calling this "Part 1" because I'm sure there will be many more in the future. They just seem to appear and then I start using them over and over again...
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