Summer Break Updates

Well, it's been some time since my last post and I decided I will call it a summer break. Yes, I took a summer break. Or something like that. Not that anything super-exceptional happened... although there was the yearly birthday trifecta (daughter, husband-- the big 4-0, nonetheless-- and mother-in-law) and a series of longer and shorter vacations.

Here's some news:

For those of you even remotely interested, I went with the iPhone. Sausage fingers... not such a problem. And, I must admit I'm in love with the apps. Oh, the apps. So, after owning it for 3 1/2 weeks I can't quite comprehend how I ever lived without an iPhone. Can you tell I'm not quite cut out for third world living? It's really wonderful! Not a single regret.

The other techno news at our house: we bought a Wii. Another how-could-we-have-possibly-survived-without-it purchase. After playing at our relative's house over Xmas and then spending a week on an extended family vacation and enjoying it as our after dinner entertainment, my husband couldn't hold out anymore. We actually stopped at Target on our way home from our trip. I think it's improving our couple quality-time too. Really. Instead of lumping on the couch together after our daughter goes to bed we now engage in sporting activitities. Golf... tennis... bowling. Although I'm not so keen on the boxing. Another great upgrade to our family technology.

So, we have engaged in our own little economic stimulus plan at our house this summer, pumping money into the economy.

Other than that, a slower summer work-wise. Haven't quite been in town long enough to get that sinking into the laziness of summer feeling, and the weather is just starting to crack the 80s this week. Not that I mind the cooler temperatures but the whole season just feels different this year. Soon onto to my favorite- fall!

Sickness (of the body and mind)

After all these years, I still haven't been able to gracefully incorporate the role of illness (mine or other family member's) into my life. I want to think I can be more Zen about it after all these years. I envy the friends I have who, when sick, hunker in, fire up the DVR and sleep for two days. However, at the first sign of a sore throat, anxiety grips me. Oh, the woe it will bring to my schedule if it becomes an illness of consequence! The schedule is like a house of cards- move one and it's all over. And, I must admit, part of this anxiety comes from the feeling of responsibility (?) and fact that, if I don't work, I don't make money. It's just the nature of my career. Along with the incredible flexibility of schedule is this fact- I'm no salaried girl.

Would that I could be like the rest of the world and just be sick. That I could just take a break knowing that I will catch up, appointments can be rescheduled, the world will not stop turning. But, yet, every time, it feels as if the world is putting on the brakes. And, let's examine the obvious: perhaps I am sometimes becoming sick to force myself to take a much needed break and slow the schedule a bit. After all the years of holistic healing and self-awareness cultivation, you would think I could just cut out the middle man, give myself a break, and not have to have the divine powers-that-be enforce that break. You would think...

For now, I continue to chant my mantra, "My health is the most important thing... Nothing is more important..." Luckily, spring is in the air and the illness(es) of the winter seems to be receding from our locale. Now to just avoid that crazy Swine Flu...

An update...

For anyone who cares, an update on my impending smartphone purchase...

Yes, four months later and I am still working with my almost three-year-old LG. I love it! It has been such a friend. And, it's not that I can't part myself from it. I was just feeling like I hadn't collected all the information in the iPhone vs. Blackberry debate. Unlike most everything else in my life, where decisions are made swiftly, this one continues to simmer. However, after engaging with both devices a bit, I'm now leaning towards the iPhone. I think I will learn to use the touchscreen keyboard. Sausage fingers be gone! And, ultimately, I think I would bemoan the lack of internet capability of the Blackberry. What's not to love about a little phone whose internet browser looks exactly the same as my laptop at home? I gotta tell you, too, after watching a friend try to connect to a website- the effort taking almost five minutes- somewhat unsuccessfully, the Blackberry wasn't upselling itself. I don't have that time to be lollygagging, waiting for my information. And those apps. The siren song of the apps. Every single thing that I refer to on the internet (most of which I won't mention here out of embarrassment) can be accessed on the iPhone. What pushed me closer to the edge of decision was, last weekend when I went out of town, I left my laptop at home. No work. All play. Then my friend canceled dinner plans. And the world was my oyster regarding dining and activity options. If I only had my iPhone, I could have been perusing to my heart's content... Rumor has it, Apple will release a new iPhone in June. So I continue to wait, in order to add to my information pile.

And what about that new Treo? $99?

The Elsewhere People

I started writing this post several months ago, so not exactly news-worthy at this point, but my commentary continues...

I found out recently that I am part of a new class of people- the Elsewhere Class. I read this in a Newsweek article by Dalton Conley, author of the book "Elsewhere, U.S.A." (January 26, 2009) Maybe my interpretation is not exactly what Mr. Conley meant, but it really fits. Let me tell you about the Elsewhere Class.

We are constantly moving between the "blended world of work and leisure, home and office." Nicely put, Mr. Conley. But that specific word- blended- implies to me that there is a cohesive melding of those worlds. Feeling more like oil and water, I can relate better to his statement that "today's professional, by contrast, is constantly dogged by a feeling that he or she should be "elsewhere"- back at the office, at the party full of potential clients, home with the kids or at a social function with the spouse." Amen to that, brother!

Will I constantly be plagued by the feeling that what I'm doing in each area of my life is either a) not the right thing for the moment, or b) never quite enough? Will this feeling diminish when my daughter is safely tucked away in school for most of the day (oh, dread and joy simultaneously!) and I know I have certain hours in which I can solely concentrate on all things work, uninterrupted?

Mr. Conley presents that in Elsewhere, U.S.A. the home is more like the office and vice versa. The lines are blurring because of less defined gender roles, income inequality (in addition to an overfed keepin'-up-with-the-Joneses symdrome), and ubiquitous availability of technology. And what do you do when the home is the office? Balance away... Now where do I sign up to work at Google? Laundry service? Massages? Free food, beverages and gym? I'm in!

Vacation After the Vacation

Disclaimer: there is a full-on whine below. If you can't stand that sort of thing, I recommend you just skip this post entirely.

Traveling is one of the things my husband and I really enjoy and our family recently returned from a nine day trip away. It was heavenly. As has been the case lately, with my daughter getting older, the trips just keep getting better. She is a champion car traveler (sometimes more patient than me) and a real treat as she embraces all our outings when away. As mundane as running to the grocery store ("There's Harris Teeter!!") or seeing the sights (this trip it was a replica of a 16th century sailing vessel which she deemed "just like on 'Arial'!"), she enjoys it all.

As is the case with most business owners, especially those working from home, the lines often blur between personal and professional time. I've written plenty of other posts about the overlaps in my life. I tried something new this trip and attempted to clear the work responsibility decks in hopes I wouldn't have a load of commitments while away. It worked! I was able to blissfully disengage from my working world, answering a minimal number of emails and spending very little time attached to my computer for the week. It really made for a relaxing getaway.

What I didn't factor in was my transition back to real life upon our return. Oy! Those first two days of assimilation were insane! On our last travel day, I checked my email at 8 a.m. No problems. When we got home at 4 p.m. that afternoon, 63 emails in my inbox. 63! Suddenly everything seems urgent. ugh. Gone are my feelings of Zen. And let's talk about the laundry. Piled to the rafters. And the cat fur balls tripping around the floor like little hamsters. Nothing in the fridge. Dirty bathrooms. Zen? Did I really feel Zen four short days ago? So now I need a vacation from the transition back from my vacation. sigh.

Squandered?

I was working at a coffee shop the other day, preparing for a next meeting, and two women came in with their young children. They looked like this was the very purposeful outing of the day, a time to get together with a friend and to get the kid out of the house. The two kids were young enough that they were just learning to navigate the whole self-feeding world, purposely putting hand-to-mouth, and hoping to catch some food in the process. Very adorable.

I had a momentary pang- did I miss the boat? Did I squander my stay-at-home days with my daughter? Did I forsake that kind of organic flow of the day for meetings, preschool, and other commitments? Have a I rushed too quickly back to the working world?

Oh, but then I remember: I had those days. I wasn't very happy. It was a little bit maddening and I felt like I was constantly searching for my higher purpose (I couldn't quite ever settle into the thought- and this is strictly for myself and not others- that the only thing I was supposed to be doing was raising my daughter, as important as it was... and still is; it's my own hang-up). And I also now remember: I still have those days. At least two days a week I am free to meet friends for lunch. And I don't have to change out of stretchy pants if I don't want to. We can change princess clothes as often as needed. And I am sole controller of our "flow" those days.

I am excessively grateful that I have had the choice, to work or stay home with my daughter. I know too many who don't have the choice and fully realize the challenge of that. I am also excessively grateful that, on most days, I have this incredible balance that feeds all parts of me.

But I just wonder some days, what would it be like to be with my daughter everyday, all day?

Just A Minute

"Just a minute" is a phrase that runs rampant through my life... and causes me no end of grief. There was a time when it used to be an innocuous placeholder- "Just a minute and I can answer your question, give you my thoughts on that, address the next issue, etc."- but now it is an encumbered phrase in my life. The first layer it carries has to do with working at home and time spent with my daughter. "Just a minute" is most often uttered when I am trying to answer a client email or some other computer-related task and pay simultaneous attention to my daughter. As in, "Just a minute, honey. Mommy needs to answer this one last email before we..." I suppose it is the equal peril of the work I do and trying to fit too much into too little time (more on that later). In that particular circumstance, the uttered phrase is followed by stabs of guilt coursing through my body, wishing I didn't have to put off my daughter a minute longer. Can I appease myself by saying it is a beneficial lesson in patience for her? She seems no worse for wear... The second layer it carries is annoyance. I am a person that prefers to execute tasks in a sequential manner. I think better- more clearly- when an issue or project is addressed in its discrete parts, from beginning to end. The constant interruptions do nothing for my productivity and feelings of satisfaction. There was a recent study that reflected that people do have less concentration and perform less well when multitasking. It does nothing to solve my current problems of having to split my day into slivers of work and home life. But it does validate my feelings on a certain level.

The last layer is the feeling of resignation. One of the phrases that has served me well as I navigate the waters of parenthood is, "It is what it is." And that most appropriately applies to this situation. Working part-time and out of my home some days allows me to be with my daughter. Having time with my daughter means that I will often be completing tasks in interrupted increments. It is what it is. There is also another kind of "just a minute," often uttered while talking to a friend on the phone, when my daughter has asked me a question or requires me to address a need. As in, "just a minute, I need to assist with the potty, help with a princess dress change, switch a DVD, etc..." Again, I feel guilty that I cannot provide my undivided attention. I like to be the friend who can listen, reflect, respond. But some days you're lucky to just get me on the phone. Period. And luckily, I have wonderful friends, most of whom (all of whom?) understand this circumstance. Every so often the irony hits me: professionally, I often counsel clients on issues of time management and life balance. But, like the shoemaker whose children have no new shoes, my own life balance occasionally suffers. I know that this is a time-limited circumstance. In a few short years I will be lamenting these days of unstructured time spent with my daughter. Until then, "just a minute" will serve me well.